I Still Think About It

"You told me I could trust you, don't lie
I could really use it"

- Christopher Brent Wood 

It isn't about who I lost to 

It's about how it's over now 

It's about the laughing until I couldn't breathe and wondering if our hearts would stop from our rejoiceful glee. 

Its about the barely whispering secrets we exchanged, ones we promised each other to the grave, ones I haven't said to this day

It's about the endless hours of fun I had learning about you, what you believed in, what you were passionate about. You were so outgoing and always surrounded by so many people, people who wouldn't look twice my way, and people who made sure to glare at least once a day.  

You inspired me 

I wanted to be more like you 

Its about how you made me feel like someone finally wanted to talk to me. Truly and genuinely wanted to know me. Finally someone who wanted to listen to what I had to say. 

Its about how I thought I knew you

Until one day I saw it on your face: Shame

You were ashamed to be my friend.

I always knew we came from different worlds, but I never knew that would stop the girl who so passionately spoke against societies cruel damnation to the innocent from talking to me.

And then your friends laughed at me because I was weird and you cried.

And I thought maybe that was proof that you cared, but this isn't about how you cared. It's about how you damned me. 

Its about how you saw parts of me I didn't know existed, it's about how i opened up to you in my entirety and how you  told me you cared about me (I was happy to feel like you'd miss me if i was gone, but why is it that I was the one who had to miss you so heart shatteringly so? ), but never cared enough to stay.

It's about who left me

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A nostalgic piece about how friends can break your heart.