I wish it was / I wish it wasn’t

Why do I get so lost in this cold lonely mind,
Most of what I'm thinking only comes from mistakes and wasted time.

But it's only at night that haunt me of the past,
It never seems to die just forever last

I thought it'd get easier as i grew old,
But Shit got way darker and my heart more cold

*My mom to say the least,
I've been trying but i can't seem to find some peace

*She's the main one i miss most,
just want to know what it's like to hold my mother close

Yet, I've somehow come to accept,
meeting her caused me my deepest pain and that lifelong regret

I'll never be able to find some closure,
Only more embarrassing bullshit i have to hide from exposure

honestly For what it's all worth,
wish i just died at fucken child birth

It's ok to judge because If only people really knew,
Truth behind unshared moments of physical and sex abuse

It's not like i care to share anyways,I'm more interested in trying to put those bastards in a grave

It burns so fucken much,
As i hopelessly think of every sick slow disgusting touch

While I was just another troubled foster kid,
No one seen the abuse in home's the state forced me to live

Then again I'm told to just move on from all this shit,
I blame everyone who never believed as I cried for help that i met
Dear empty spot that boils pain in my heart,
first place to all the bullshit written on this fucked up chart

Its my main priority in making you see,
How beautifully strong your daughter turned out be

*Just know most importantly,I am a woman that speaks pure and CONFIDENTLY!!!!!

*All i ever wanted to know,How could you choose the drugs over wanting to watch me grow

*Everyone says it so easily to forgive,If they only knew how its like when a father wants his daughters sex same way you did

*But you still got the honor of being called DAD,forever you’ll have the power to turn my happiest moments painfully sad.

*hey i wish you the best,Not like i can get justice to put this bullshit rest

*I hate you with all thats left to me,I wish someone finished you already and emptied your body far out the sea

*Truth be told,You dont deserve to be full human and live life until your old
You pervert,I will never stop throwing your name where you belong, THE DIRT!!!!!!!!!

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