When I first Googled my name
(with the little g in the middle)
I discovered I was on the wanted list
for tax evasion and prostitution.
Then I pursued and found I had been kidnapped
in 2015, leaving a husband and four kids
who still hadn’t raised the ransom money.
The next Google search stated I had been
arrested in 2010 and incarcerated at a jail in Mississippi
for confiscating a wheel chair
from a Senior Citizen Retirement home.
Confused and somewhat alarmed, I searched on
only to find I was not really missing
but, in actuality, dead— having died of Ebola in 2015.
I then went on Facebook for more accurate
information and…lo and behold
I was, in fact, not dead, but residing
at a Texas State facility for the mentally impaired.