If Not Nothing


I walk through a war zone
Spitballs bullets and pencils sharp enough to rip through a person
Words are thrown like grenades, their purpose, to kill
People I think I've known my whole life
I watch struggle to fit into stereotypes
Like I big girl trying to put on size zero skinny jeans
I see beautiful people hide behind what they are known as
Fat
Ugly
Cow
Dogface
Scar
That is what defines a person here
Nicknames are designed to cause damage that will resonate for years
I will never be pretty because of a burn across one side of my face
I can't be loved or accepted
I am an outcast, no matter how hard I try, I can't fit the mold
My burn is like dried play dough, it can't bend to whims of society
It is permanent, it isn't moldable, It can't shape into what I wish
No matter how hard I push, it is what it is
But all I can hold onto is the sliver of hope that they are wrong
That someday I will look in a mirror and realize how beautiful I am
As for now, I better find a better mirror
Because I haven't held on this long for nothing
And yet I have to question whether we decide our tortures ourselves.

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