I'm Tired

I'm tired

I'm tired of crying
I smile on the outside while broken inside
I let him use me and even abuse me knowing his love was never really for me
verbal abuse fell on deaf ears
mental abuse filled me with fears
manipulation kept me in tears
confused about love is what kept me near
I'm tired of lying
A smile that is really nothing but sorrow
tears often drowning my pillow
my appetite down to zero
lying to myself believing he is my hero
I'm tired of trying
holding on to a fantasy that will never be
a love I know I will never see
avoiding the truth that is blinded by me
I'm tired of living
there are times I just want to close my eyes
never to wake up and face the pain I hiding inside
I know that is not what God intended for me
I'm tired of loving you and will find the strength to start loving me