In my feelings

Why do I feel minimized by those around me?
Making me feel like shit
Standing by the one who victimized me

Ignoring me is all you ever do
My emotions don't mean shit to you
I mean obviously
Why else wouldn't you call me?
It’s been a couple months since you've said Hi
I'm wondering whether or not you care that I almost died

Didn’t almost losing me once jab you in your pride?
Or are you too stubborn to come to me and cry
I feel so guilty and so bad for the way things happened
Wondering if you'll ever come around
To tell me things will get better
We'll get stronger together

It seems that will never be an option
Might as well put my heart out for auction
At least then someone will help with the pain
The suffocation is to blame
My thoughts choke me
I might as well revoke my right to speech
Since no one bothers to listen to me

I'll stand by your side
They say
Why do people say that to me and then lie everyday
Why do they swear to be with me to only disappear completely?

Sometimes I forget depression is a thing with me
It’s been destroying me completely
I can't even describe my own feelings
It’s a swirling mass of destruction
Threating to kill me

Somehow I've stayed strong
Even when I've been wronged
I can't tell if I have gone soft
Or that I just have given up

Every time I look in the mirror I feel disgusted
By the person who almost got someone arrested
I hate the way I look
Oh so Innocent, you say?
Watch when I backstab you one day

I always feel compelled to leave scars on my body
Thinking it could erase the wrongs I’ve done to everybody
I feel damaged
Why is it that I push everyone away?
Is that why they don’t stay

I always want to cry
It’s something that tears me up inside
Sometimes I want to die
I think I have something to live for
Though the line between life and death is blurring
I wonder when my emotions will start stirring
Nothing feels real anymore
Isn’t that crazy
Maybe that’s why no one wants to be near
They have the fear that I’ll disappear

I think I can forgive you
No matter how much it hurts me
I know you’re hurting too

Mom, I’m messed up
I know that’s why you gave up
I get it
I really do
I wouldn’t want to fuck with someone like me either

It’s funny how the scars grow everyday
I’m dying inside
I’m letting you know I love you
Just in case I die before you call again

I’m always trying to walk down the right path
Instead I go left
I’m a girl who is lost
Alone in a world filled with her own demons
I struggle to breathe as they suffocate me
Is that normal?
I see dots clouding my vision
Can someone help me see the light someday?
Or am I doomed to wander in the dark for a moment longer?

My legs are scarred
Its just like my heart
Both are damaged
That’s why no one wants to see either

Maybe in the next life I won’t be such a fuck up
I know I would suck up
All my pain for another day
Just one more day with you

Honestly, I wish you were here
My heart seems to break
As the year passes while you are somewhere that’s not with me

I wish I could die right now
It would give me the peace I need
The thoughts in my head wish for me to be dead
They’re taunting me
Making me hate myself more than I already do

My guilt suffocates me
It doesn’t matter how much water drowns me
My demons will just survive
Then they are going to eat me alive
Sending my soul to Hell
Where they’ll torture me some more

Don’t you know how much I’ve fallen?
Do you know that I’ve been calling?
I have so many regrets
I pushed you away
Thinking it wouldn’t hurt me one day
It fucking hurts
Knowing I’ve hurt you to the point of avoidance
I always cry when talking about you

I paint with silver and out comes red
My heart is breaking
My brain is dead
I don’t feel
That’s all I can say
I’m walking down this road
That’s filled with glass
Cutting my skin
It’s a reminder
Telling me that you’re a sin
Not meant to live
Why else would you feel this way?
Someone has to punish you
Look at it this way
At least you’ll redeem yourself at some point

Roses are red
Violets are blue
My heart is breaking into two
I want to cry
Then just die
Without you in my life
I don’t have any light
It’s a shame
I don’t have many days
If I could spend my last
In your space
It’ll cause me to live in more ways
Give me a reason to stay
Please say you want me today
Tell me you haven’t given up
That I have one more chance
To relive the days I had with you

I don’t want to get up anymore
No more self-harming
That’s good right?
I’m so tired
I give up on everything else
My bed is my savior
Protecting me from my feelings
From reality
That’s what I need

I don’t know what I’m saying
The scars on my wrist are fading
My heart is slowly breaking
I don’t know why I try so hard on the daily

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