Every day I see him
That man who took my everything
Before I even realised it was anything
I was 5 years old
He called me to play hide and seek
And all of a sudden the lights went out
And eventually so did my virginity
I feel shameful everyday
Feel shameful that I do not have the innocence
The very innocence I claim to possess
But wouldn’t I be more ashamed if I do tell anyone?
Taunts, insults, curses thrown at at me?
Wouldn’t it be my mistake, even though I was just 5?
Cause that is just the way my society works?
Maybe it was my mistake after all
To have been born in the first place
So that I would’ve never been through that trauma
So that I wouldn't have carried this this burden of knowing that trauma
I was told to be careful when out of the house
But why not when I was inside too?
My conscience eats at me for hiding this
But how do I say #metoo when I see his 3 year old son crawling around the house smiling and playing?
When I hear his innocent laughter that brightens up my day?
How do I build the conscience to separate a son from his father?
How do I build the conscience to degrade that human being in front of his son?
Each day I encounter him and then ignore him
Pretend that I do not remember that horrible night
Pretend that he is a good man,
But wonder if he really is a human at all
My conscience eats at me to reveal what happened and release it out
But wouldn’t it be worse if I separate the little boy from his father that he so much admires?
Hence I write this poem to release it all
But I do not know if it will help when it is hidden beneath this “heart” wall.