Insecurites


It’s always in the back of your mind nagging you
Telling you.
You’re not quite there yet, you’re eating too much, and you need to exercise more.
And even after exercising your little heart out it’s not enough
It’s never enough.
The sweat is coming out of every pore in your body but it doesn’t-it can’t
Wash away the feelings of inadequacy
There’s always that voice yelling at you.
You’re fat!
You’re still not perfect.
You’ll have to try a little harder
You’ve forgotten the possibility of success because the probability of failure shouts at you with every turn.
The mirror becomes an enemy. You’re nemesis.
You know you have a problem but no matter how badly you want to get better,
tear it from your soul,
the incessant nagging tells you that you’ll be happier if you just watch the numbers go down between your toes, get a flatter tummy, or eat even less.
You’re hungry
You’re tired
You’re lost.
Anything to appease them.
Anything to be beautiful.
Anything to be able to love yourself.
But nothing is good enough
And even though you go days eating next to nothing they still scream you’re not good enough
They call for the impossible and you try with all the strength you have left to answer that call.
Perhaps it can be blamed on society and their ideal female body
But more than likely it’s you.
It’s your fault that you can’t be happy as you are
It’s your fault that the mirror has become an enemy
that guilt is a sword that continues to hack into your body even though you’ve been dead for so long.
You want to be perfect
You want to be what everyone else desires to be
But You’re just a girl
Just a woman who’s been told that perfection is seen by how many men do a double take when you walk by
How many women stare in envy at the stomach that cost you that piece of cake you so badly wanted
You’re forced to believe that your outer beauty is the most important weapon you have
When inside you have a soul that doesn’t have a weight
That doesn’t wear a size zero
And that doesn’t give a shit if you eat candy after eight.
So listen to your soul
Listen to that part of you that knows you have beauty when you smile
That sees your love for others as hope for the mirror you so ardently hate.
Embrace your imperfections because they’re the only things that make you unique
They’re what set you apart from the crowd and without them you are just a girl.
You are the pathetic woman who finds her worth in the stare of a man and the number on a scale.

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