My life has been dominated by insecurity
From the emergence of my self awareness
I have felt imperfect, incomplete, and damaged
Feelings which constructed an obstacle so massive
I can see no escape from its stronghold in my path of being
Everything I do, say, and every product of my thoughts is both
Created and constricted by my self hate.
Beneath the feelings of fatness, ugliness
Lies detest for one's soul.
There is no true happiness alongside the feeling that
The soul is corrupt.
Inability to find my passion, my love in life
Is accredited to a single culprit
Constant, unwavering insecurity
Of the soul I hold, value of my being, and worth of my existence.
The feeling of true contentment lies just beyond reach
Yet through each advancement of self
Through each hopeful possibility of the better
The distance never diminishes.
There is no effort, constitution, or determination
That brings happiness
Close enough to grasp.
Flutters of good feeling resembled in widened lips
Are sparks of gold
Scattered across a bleak, grayed desert
Of questioning and unbelieving that
I deserve to smile.
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