Inside Depression.....The Beginning

By DMAC   

Darkness rapidly descends until visibility becomes a shade of the deepest black (often referred to as the dead of night). Labored breathing brings with it a terrifying awareness of what is about to happen. A mind altering fog begins to swirl and then engulf each functioning sense of conscious reasoning left intact. Unfamiliar emotions of desperation mixed with despair start to take over. These unexpected feelings blindly thrust together rapidly consume one's fragile psyche with each horrific episode. Now surrounded by a murky haze composed of sorrow, loneliness and fear the drowning inside the "proverbial pool of emotions" commences.
A paralyzing fear takes over until eventually emptiness and hopelessness are all that remain. The brightness dulls, smiles turn to frowns, laughter is replaced with tears, happiness becomes scarce and begins losing to confusion and devastation. Within moments it's as if you have somehow fallen through an enchanted mirror. Now trapped inside this self made manifestation a way out seems significantly more complex than the way you entered. You can see a bright light but only if you remain close to this bewitched piece of glass. With arms outstretched toward a ray of false hope, your slightly shocked when you realize it's nothing more than a mirage. The only purpose to this counterfeit way out is to inflict extreme pain and suffering. Suddenly a claustrophobic sense of urgency forces you to frantically push at this fake display, leaving behind only a condensation hand print as a reminder of your desperate attempt to escape.
There is no rational explanation for this random and mind altering lapse in sanity. To describe the power this sneaky life sucking monster has upon one's emotional and eventual physical state one must first be able to understand and stop what is happening themselves.
After so many helpless hours trapped alone in the dark, coming back to the light feels impossible, fear starts to take over and the demons that introduced you to this hell seem to have prevailed. Their once frightful chanting has now become a familiar voice you can relate to. The bouts with these mind controlling entities start off sporadic but swift, giving you time to forget just how desolate this place they take you to can be. Eventually these episodes become more frequent, longer lasting and will ultimately leave less time for the real you to emerge let alone comprehend what is occurring.
These rogue spirit draining beasts have now successfully disguised death as a form of freedom. They have succeeded in leading you to this private hell you now permanently reside in. It has been so long since you have felt anything but alone and forgotten you've now decided to welcome these demons and their less than truthful offers to make all your grief and sorrow go away.
Outside Depression....The end most who suffer face

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This Poems Story

This poem is an inside look and hopefully a better understanding to those people who think that depression is a choice and can be turned on and off at will. Being a suffer and witness to the suffering I feel I have a greater concept on the inside and outside of the disease. But again this is my own rendition from experience.