Only pain and loss
There is noting else for me
Suffering I have caused serving my nation
Giving my all and losing what I was
My body aches, my health fails
My mind is warped and distorted
Broken from serving, ending my time
My head pounds, ears ring
Ringing to remind me what ii have done
Screams and smells, burning flesh
Screams of the dying, those who are dead by my hand
Hatred that was felt,
The exhilaration of killing consumed
I didn’t stop, I pushed harder
Each time killing became easier and I survived
Coming home to an empty house
Slipping into a person who I am not
Fighting to get out, going back and killing again
Breaking myself to save my friends
Getting hurt and not getting help
Years gone by out of the brotherhood
Left to dry and shrivel in my own misery
Feeling only pain and loss,
Abandoned and alone lost and broken
Help is not only for the weak
Health is what I desire
Working to be better
Desiring only to go back to feel it again
To feel the rush that it was
To kill, to fight and destroy
To feel what never should have ben felt
To do it again without regret

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