I COULD'VE DIED LAST NIGHT
As my tissue and vessels are stabbed and ripped, it's a struggle every day just not to lose grip. I'm running on the inside while standing still the outside, but at least I didn't die last night.
Your blood is life giving, my blood is life taking. I'm too weak to go and too strong to stay. Complacent by force, still it could be worse, I could've died last night.
What you see is a smile, what I feel all the while is my body exploding from a pile-up. Piercing pain running through my veins, still I have to maintain my composure. It's a very tough fight because it's out of eye sight, but at least I didn't die last night.
No oxygen to my body, the pain is unreal. If there was none to my brain, a stroke is what I'd feel. So I welcome the curse, because it could always be worse. Hey, I could've died last night.
You say I don't look sick, when I don't know how sick looks. You say what number is my pain, but it cant be described in your books. You're still not better? ...is what you say. But my blood runs all year, every month, every day. Sympathy we don't need, because we all bleed, just educate yourself and take a little heed. Silent for too long, just trying to be strong. Do you know I almost died last night?
How does it feel?
Your mind is not designed to comprehend the bind, still I entertain your curiosity and try to explain it sometimes. Take a glass, break it up and give it a good grind. Put it in a needle and shoot it through your veins, now the glass is moving, hows that for pain? Its slicing me up from the inside out, still I don't let out a yell, scream or shout. The glass travels around, exposing tissue inside, but you think I'm ok just because I don't cry. It gets stuck in my spleen and cant get out the other side, now my spleen is 3x a normal person's size. To keep me alive my heart works over time, yet God is still good cuz I didn't die last night.
When death becomes a welcomed option just to escape the pain, can you imagine living everyday with that on your brain? Of course its not cancer so the supporters are few. They come and they go and you're left with just you. No one believes me because I look just fine, but how about taking a look at the war on the inside. A war in my body, a war in my mind.
Could you, would you, be able to fight this fight?
I know I can and I will because God didn't take my life