Less Of A Women

How are teenage girls not supposed to hate these bodies?
Notice I say these bodies... not ours.
Because if they were ours they wouldn’t be public property.
When I got my first training bra I remember feeling so grown up.
And now thinking back on that moment, I wonder why any girl would want to grow up.
Because visible bra straps get you sent home from class
sports bras make you less women and
“normal” bras... make it look like you were asking for it.
I can remember being 12 the first time I got made fun of for being “underdeveloped”.
I also remember being 12 when I searched “how young do you have to be to get breast implants”. Specifically, the words “how young do you have to be”.
Because in my mind, it was a requirement.
I thought I was a woman but I guess having a vagina isn’t women enough these days.
I’m disgusted to be in this body that I can’t even call my own.
The fingerprints of other people that never leave my skin, the whispers that follow me down the hallway. The vivid memories of things I wish nothing more than to forget.
I remember my first bike, my first best friend, my first phone and my first training bra.
I remember the first time a guy touched me without my permission.
The first time my ass was squeezed, slapped grabbed or talked about
The first time my chest size came up in conversation.
The first time I was catcalled and the first time I was referred to as an object.
I can also remember the first time I cried myself to sleep,
First time I didn’t feel women enough.
First time my body was suddenly not mine.
First time I felt like dying.
Nobody told me the “training” In training bra was for me to prepare myself to be assaulted.
But how come there is no training for me to know how to handle it.

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