Living with cheating

There will always be that voice in the back of your head. A film playing in the background that takes up just a little too much of your attention. The accelerated heartbeat that proves to you that you know you are guilty but have no way of reconciling it because how can you ever live it down. How can you ever be good enough after you've tainted not just that relationship but every relationship that comes after. Tainted it with the knowledge that you will never be good enough. That you not only entertained the thought of it but that you entertained another person with your own body. With your words. Your words now mean nothing because how can a promise of sincerity be sincere if your word carries no weight. When the knowledge of what you've done with always be carried with you like your emotional baggage. Except this baggage is for someone else to carry. And you have to just watch them. Watch them struggle with the weight of your actions with the weight of what you've done with the reality of who you are. We as people are only but a culmination of our experiences. And you have forever tainted a cup of water by adding someone else's blood to it.

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