Lonely Prisoner

By IvyLea    IvyLea

I once too was a prisoner.
Caged between fear and discontent.
I raged against conformity...
unsure of your intent.
I have been tortured...
by hand, mouth, and thought.
Bruised both on skin and in soul.
Consumed...
my mind you haunt.
You pushed so hard against my cage...
I retreated to afar.
I would hurry to accept your kiss...
then quickly I would fall.
Fallen to the depths of my own despair...
where these damning thoughts...
they fill the air.
Now I cannot breathe...
trapped in my own solitude.
Your arms,
if not heart,
bled...
from your attempts to break through.
I saw the opening
from which I could escape...
follow you as you return
to your own small cage.
But the outside seemed so distant...
a dream that could not be mine.
So I waited...
tried to convince myself
that it was not our time.
Was it, am I...
a waste of time?
Am I running out of time?
What of this time?
I have broken down the walls of this cell...
broken free from my own restraint.
Chasing blindly in the dark...your trail.
I pray, love, thee wait!
What distance will I cross?
What challenges I face?
Will I be rewarded in the end?
With a resurrection of my naive faith?
Love, fear not the dark you see.
Don’t become accustomed to the pale.
I can bring back to us our light
Swear to you this time...
I won’t fail.
I understand your frustration...
as you pace uneven floors...
question everything I’ve spoken...
Look through closet doors.
Skeletons no longer in hiding.
We shall lay them all to rest.
Wrap your arms around me once more...
An endless kiss...
share of breath.
And when our eyes finally open...
you will see inside me.
Somehow.
Doubts dissipate...
Why did we wait?
Undone...
uncaged...
no fear...
no rage.
Darkness lifted...
light renewed.
Lonely prisoner...
I love you.

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This Poems Story

This poem reflects how I feel not having the full capacity for attachment... and that emotion of being "In love". The end is a hopeful fantasy of finally escaping the boundaries of BPD and of my own creation.