Losing Michael Saving Me

The words she said still ring in my head. I'm so sorry to tell you your son is dead. Dear God please tell me it's not true. I could never imagine living without you.

I prayed to sleep and never wake. This is too much for a mother to take. My youngest one, my only son. What have I done? I gave you my keys. You didn't deserve this. It should have been me.

How ironic, it took losing you to save me. The drinking and drugging would not kill the pain. Blacking out, waking up only to start all over again.

I prayed dear God, if you want me to live then show me how, and if you do not then take me now. Three days later I left on an airplane. Little did I know how much my life would change.

Eight hundred miles away from home, heartbroken and alone. Thirty days of therapy and monitoring me to find I have a disease. An allergy to alcohol.

I took their suggestions, my medications and decided to stay. I'm sure if I hadn't I'd be dead today. You see I needed brain surgery for my stinking thinking. I needed heart surgery for my broken heart. I needed a new start. A second chance.

Two years later I went back to that rehab as I said I would. My life I had reclaimed so I returned as part of the staff to help others do the same.

That was eight years ago and I'm free. I give God the credit and I live in honor of your memory. I tell my story to help another. A child, father, a mother in hopes of saving a family from the trauma of losing someone they love.

I know you see me and the things I do. Working and living in recovery. I lost you but you gave my life back to me. When my work here is done and God calls me to come I will meet you by the ponds in heaven. We will go fishing and we'll have fun. Just know that I miss you and I love you my son.

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I loss my 21 year old son Michael in an auto accident 8 years ago. My life was already a mess. I was a heavy drinker and into drugs. He never knew me sober. Not having good parenting Michael had been in trouble ever since he was in elementary school. At age 16 he went to prison for 4 years. He came home at age 20 on Halloween day in 2008. He never told me about the beatings he took from the guards until after he came home. He had been having seizures and begged his girlfriend not to tell me. I swore when he came home I would get my life together but I didn't. Michael started going to church, helping the elderly and rescuing animals. They think he had a seizure while driving. He went down an embankment and hit a utility pole killing him instantly. I nearly died after losing him by drugs and alcohol. My mom feared for my life. She found a grieving counselor through hospice and good thing she did. They knew I might be suicidal so together they worked to send me to Florida to rehab. I never returned to my home in North Carolina. From rehab to a halfway home for 1 year. At 2 yrs I went back to the treatment center that I came through as part of the staff. Today I have God in my life. I have worked in the field of recovery as a behavioral health technician for 6 yrs now. My life is amazing and I have purpose to live. I know my son is my angel watching over me and I know without a doubt that I will see him again and the disease of addiction will not exist and he will not have a flaw on his body. I believe in miracles because I am one.