Lost


In the 5th dawn mass your name is in the first reading
I thought this might be the sign I prayed for
Right there I decided to talk to you when I get home
An hour later I get anxious
I opened my phone, scroll for your name, then a bomb hits me
In a moment of silence
my mind went blank
I read those words again
Saw your photograph
There it sinks in
Without me knowing my tears just fall
A boulder thrust into my heart
Jealousy succumbs me
I want to scream
I want to cry out loud
But my throat seems blocked
I felt numb
I don't know what to do
It took me awhile to wipe my silent weeps
I lay looking blankly at the ceiling
For the first time in my life I felt so down
I have so many why's
Am I bad?
Am I too ugly?
Am I not worthy?
A picture of you in my head, I know
My hopes to disappear
My wishes will be unanswered
My prayers won't come true
I lost

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