Everyone seemingly stands yards away while actually residing in my doorway as I invite them in my space.
I sit across from friends and family having conversation of it will be okay you'll get through this.
But the room isn't big enough for such a few; why is everyone so close to me.
I'm holding a book I've held a thousand times but the weight feels unbearable in my small tiny hands.
I am not this sad person, this sad person she is not me.
I've dealt with everything life has ever thrown at me so why is loss so much harder for me to bear then molestation, rape, rejection, loneliness, hopelessness and even despair.
This unforeseen loss of the baby is cruel and some say unfair; only 2 months into an unexpected pregnancy. This seems heavier than any load I've ever had to bare.
It's not my fault only God's plan I can't be angry at him; they say he's watching over me this I know and yes this I do see.
There is no blame to place in some would say no hell to raise but this sadness it is seeping into every part of me.
There's only time time to heal from a doctor's incision to correct life’s indecision.
I'm not connected to this place. It's disconnected from me.
I'm out here trying to find a way back to my normal reality.
While my reality is out there trying to find its way back to me.
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After suffering a miscarriage in 2008. I had physical manifestations of my grief. In the form of sitting in the same room with someone . But in my minds eye they were so close to me I couldn't breathe. Or having head phones in listening to music but could barely make out the words.