love by fear

i got thousands of scars not visible to the eye. running deep thru my veins touching my soul. each one holds a memory i'm to scared to let go of. my hands tremble with fear, chills run down my spin, fear has become a friend of mine. sleepless nights fearing vivid nightmares. domestic violence cant be love. stripping me of my voice, humiliating me, i no longer matter in this world. friends ask of you and i relive the very night you tried to take my life. despite all my effort not to, i still love you. me loving you makes me sick after all the things you have done to me. locked away you still find ways to taunt me. i'm still scared of you, now more than ever. timid and jumpy i have never been this way, i'm beginning to wonder if ill ever find the person i was before.

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i was in a very physical abusive relationship for 5 yrs and im still healing from it and even with him in prison i still find myself worrying what he will do to me and despite how much i hate him part of me still loves him