Each day I try harder to make everything right.
Deep down I am burning in flames so bright.
I force myself out of bed in the mornings,
can't let my little one notice my hurting.
Living paycheck to paycheck, that's how it used to be;
but Mommy lost her job, bank account is empty.
I'm sinking into deeper debt, losing my mind once more.
I feel like such a fucking failure,
as I sit in silence behind closed doors.
These tears are attacking, as they flood down my face.
I am in need of a miracle, a saving grace.
All of my secrets are out, my phone's blowing up with criticism.
All the ones who cared are now in hate of my decisions.
How am I ever supposed to heal with all this negativity in my head?
I grab my last cigarette and lay back down on the bed.
Aaron says he hungry.
In guilt, I throw the emptied pack across the floor.
I draw back the curtains, even though my eyes are sore.
I pour him a bowl of cereal and he starts to grin...
He reaches into his lucky charms and pulls out a heart,
handing it to me like beautiful art.
"Mommy, this means I love you."
In this moment, happy tears are sparked.
Its times like these and days like these,
that I know there is light in the dark.