Masochism In The Morning

Why do I want so desperately
to be loved by a monster?
why is evil so enticing
sadness so seductive
holy hate so hypnotic
I crave the darkness
like I crave water
but I need the darkness
like a shot in the leg
just enough pain to cripple, not kill
just enough desire to bind me
why do I want to be
the bride of the devil?
whether its conditioning from my past
or some ungodly gene
there's something inside of me
yearning to be conquered
demeaned
yearning to be owned
by the darkness