MAYbe


It’s such an honor to be up here
In front of you in the month of May
When the flowers blossom in Austin, Texas, I can rejoice
When the community comes together like this, I’m filled with even more joy
I see ears reaching out for stories and life lessons
Much like I see flowers reaching up for the Sun this spring season
But who am I to sprout these poetic lines?
That’s like asking a flower why it rises up to the occasion of good weather
I have to tell you something
I was abused in a very scary teenage relationship
As a result, I endured PTSD and Trichotillomania
For those of you who aren’t aware
That’s Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and a compulsive anxiety disorder to pull out one’s hair
I used to think: maybe he’ll kill me
Then it was: maybe he’s still coming after my heart
Then it was: maybe God has no mercy
Then finally it was: maybe I will survive
I could finally think maybe I could grow
I could finally not worry about a panic attack in the shower
Everywhere I went, I felt so vulnerable
Vulnerability was a nasty trigger
My PTSD and Trichotillomania went off like the war wasn’t over
But I also had a tough Spirit
Experience has left bruises all over my body
For a while there, I let life beat my heart into shreds
But maybe that’s where the real journey begins

So if you’re out there, feeling like shit
I want you to feel your inner beauty
I want you to rise to the occasion of your inner light
And I want you to shine that light as bright as you can
I could be just a young soul writing lines to escape reality
Maybe that’s what the flowers are doing
Running towards the Sun to awaken from the ground
I’d like to think my words hit that deep
Reaching roots to bloom flowers in those frozen parts
Much like giving spring air to buried seeds
Maybe we could survive together
Going through life like flowers trying to reach the Sun
Maybe, just maybe, we could learn from all this
Because Life is bat-shit craziness
But at least we’re in bat city
So I ask you Austin, Texas
Maybe we could…
…carpe diem this spring season?
But I don’t know
I may need to ask again
Will you grow with me in this life?
Maybe I don’t want your answer
Maybe I just wanted you to listen

So thank you for doing just that my beautiful Austin, Texas
I hope one day my ears can reach out to hear your story
Because I stood on this stage
Baring all my secrets
So maybe one day I can hear yours too
Thank you

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