Maybe I’m Just Sick


Wanting to die and dying are two very different concepts.
Wanting to die and actively killing yourself mean two different things.
I haven’t been eating a lot,
Any one can tell you that.
I’m small,
Unnaturally small,
But it’s okay.
I know I am actively killing myself with every meal I refuse to eat,
But I can’t manage to force something down my throat.
There are times when I want to eat,
But those times make me sick. I’m sick. I’m sick.
I’m sick. I’ve been sick.
But no one notices.
There are times when I want to throw up,
But there is nothing in my body left to give.
I’m sick. I’m sick.
Anorexia is the kind of sickness that isn’t noticed in people that are already small.
It’s something that most people wouldn’t expect.
It’s hidden. It hides.
It makes me sick.
I’m sick.
Wanting to die and actively killing yourself may mean two different things,
But maybe actively killing yourself and being sick mean the same thing.
Maybe I’m actively killing myself.
Maybe I’m just sick.

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