Memories plague me in the darkness
And as they rear their ugly ead
They only remind me of all that I’ve lost
My life, my freedom and my children are dead
Dear God, please forgive my anger
For these transgressions that I see
All the madness that I have lived through
Almost got the better of me
I have no need for food or sleep
What I crave most are the sun and air
When I look out the window of my sanctuary
I see no signs of the truth anywhere out there
Dear God, it's you I've turned to the most
For answers, courage and faith
And as I read these medical reports of cruelty
Anger washes over me, replacing the hate
My Lord, I have, but five days to wait
Can I hold onto the hope that he'll come to my aid
I can't close my eyes, I can't find any rest
From the pain these doctor's continually create
I see clearly such torture in one operation
And I shake with the echo of hearing my pleas
During the operation, I felt what they were doing
And when I slipped into unconsciousness, fear followed me
When I woke up in recovery, I felt only doom
All I've done for so long was plead for help and beg
Now I felt something more when I turned on my machine
The current was not reaching my back but was running down my legs
The first doctor that implanted this medical device
Offered me a choice between paralysis and pain
And as I read this again in my medical file
It leaves me reeling in sorrow, reeling in shame
Once again, I was sent back to my prison of silence
I lost the job that I loved and my friends of nine years
I kept searching for help, but no one would touch me
And each night I lay down, I slept on my pillow of tears
It took three long years to find another doctor
He said he would operate and put the wires back in place
He smiled as he spoke and promised to help
I smiled back through my fear, as I looked at his face
I believed what he promised, but I felt like a fool
As I waited daily in my bed for his call
Depression took over, as days turned into months
He couldn't be reached, I was climbing the walls
My doctor's husband took over and went to his office
Not leaving until he got my surgery date
Workers Compensation harassed me, wouldn't leave me in peace
They wanted me working, and they wouldn't wait
The day finally came; I had my fifth operation
Another stranger opened me up, creating a mess
When I woke up much later, I felt such foreboding
I turned on my machine, and I screamed from the stress
Something was wrong; the current was closer
But, still gave me no comfort as it had done before
I looked up at my doctor, and as I was sedated
I wondered how I would get over being sliced open once more
Two weeks later, I was back in the hospital for my sixth operation
Preparing my mind for what was to come
This caused more damage, but it was finally completed
I went home feeling gratitude for what had been done
Alone with my sorrow, my body felt mangled
I recovered slowly a few more years gone
I asked God for assistance in clearing my heart
I tried to forgive the ones who had done me wrong
Five years passed so quickly filled with depression and pills
I needed Workers Compensation to help me update my skills
The office software had changed from five years ago
I asked my caseworker for help but received a flat "No."
I was still in grave shock as I hung up the phone
There was no one beside me; I was completely alone
I needed some hope I then called her manager
The kindness in his voice helped sooth some of my anger
I paid into this system from the time I was ten
They cared nothing about me, or the hell I'd been in
I asked them for help, their stoic response caused me shame
When I looked through my medical reports, they said my mind was damaged, and I had low back pain
I questioned my pension wondering what that was based on
When I told them the truth, they treated me like a con
Why would I have to lie, or pretend to have pain?
They paid me meager wages; I had nothing to gain
These machines that I wore electrocuted me twice
I know if it happened a third time, death would hold the dice
My adjudicator’s asked me nothing, and they cared even less
My depression got worse, my body and mind were a mess
When I cried on the phone, they had no empathy
They said those were the rules; they had to follow policy
I had to hustle my health even though I was a wreck
Other resources wouldn't help me, and I would receive no cheque
It's been twenty-nine years and all that I know
Are the mangled scars on my back, nothing to show
I still fight in a system that refuses to care
And each day I still ask God, what's the reason I'm here…

© Brenda Keough
March 13, 2014

Almost thirty years ago my life, children and dreams, friends, marriages, and careers were taken away due to a misdiagnosis, and then medical madness became the only life I knew. The Workers Compensation System that I paid into my whole life is a system that is corrupt beyond repair.

The Adjudicators and Managers that wrote in reports that I was suffering from "low back problems," and "post-traumatic stress disorder." Labelled me and put nails in my coffin, sealing my fate with further injuries and almost two death sentences.

I do not want others to suffer the same fate or consequences. And if you know of anyone, PLEASE direct them to immediately.

I am not the only one out there that is suffering the consequences of a medical device (neurotransmitters) that sends electricity to the wrong areas of the body, and malfunctioning.

We are here to protect each other, not cause untold losses. And for those that did, God will take care of retribution. My thirty-year cross is off my shoulders, and my scars are my armor......I control my world now; it has no control over me, and I will never be harmed, or suffer any further losses at the hands of other's, and I will change the system......

Angels, misdiagnosis happens far more often than you realize. Stand your ground and fight, because you and your life is important….God will protect you and keep you safe.

I still need to find good medical care where I won't be labelled and harmed further to help me deal with the nerve pain…I pray to God that one day, I will..

God replaced my losses and I will meet my children one day in heaven, where peace not pain exists.....God always watches over us...

Poem Rating:
Click To Rate This Poem!

Continue Rating Poems

Share This Poem