I dreamt you were still alive and that I called you;
I ran to you in the snow and then you vanished;
I dreamt that we spent more time together.
In my dreams you were happy;
I was the daughter you hoped I would be.
I can still smell your crazy hamburgers: mayonnaise and white bread;
I can hear your huge laugh that embarrassed me in public;
Now I would give the world to hear you laugh again.
I can feel your intellect, your curiosity, your pain, your demons,
All that made you the amazing writer that you were.
You told me that we visited ducks and a pond as a child;
I could never remember this; I tried and could not.
I remembered instead, that I did not live with you for a year.
I wanted to go back to the pond to see if I might remember.
I got to know you better during my college years;
We would sit outside and talk in the backyard that is long gone.
When I heard that you died, I fell to the floor and my heart broke.
I remember everything and I remember nothing;
I still think that I will be able to call you, say something unique.
Your blood runs through my veins, yet I may never know your heart.
You seldom carried me, yet I stand on your shoulders with hope.
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