Miscarriage


Miscarriage...
Disparage of womanhood, discouraged but needed courage
to even want to go on after that...
and with the tucking away of the facing dismay with each new day
or with just trying to find a new way to say "DEFEATED"

For it rendered me "REACH-LESS"
"SPEECHLESS"
Unable to express my regress and stress or to pretend
to even comprehend....the end
of something so beautiful and anticipated
or to try to explain such pain
or the cost of such loss engrossed

How depriving, demoralizing, the arriving with plenty of empty
The empty where she used to be, where empty go the best of me,
the empty eyes, empty arms, empty heart,
the empty as I fell apart.....

Filled though....
with the missing of the wishing of the growing within,
the flipping, stretching, turning that begins
with the heartbeat that became not the heartbeat
and then my heartbeat burned and I yearned my earned
chance to hold her, behold her or to simply smell her hair
so all care became rare and ran away with my mind
only later to find it in tiny bits and pieces,
wallowing in mental feces....

This thing decreases me but increases my insanity especially
since I had no plans to be so exhausted from such evil loss
and forced to have to hold my precious breathless
when precious should have been restless and by now the love child,
running wild, Trinni style but then somehow I was beguiled
of her magnificence and her innocence was suddenly, so utterly
no more.....

Miscarriage....
Came dressed in pretty things tied to strings attached to the
Devil's wings with dangled promises never meant to be kept...
It crept in to strangle all promise, to mangle the dream come true
and to run me through, taking me with it too but left me asking,
"Why didn't you just finish me, you already diminished me?"
"Why didn't you just.....take me......too?"

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