My ovaries are fractured and my heart
Is jilted. Sometimes I want to take a knife
Saw off the soft pockets of my flesh
And feed them to the birds
I whisper into ceramic ears that do not exist
Today I am going to die
But here I am, writing, remembering
All that you took, all that I said I would never regain
(and I didn’t)
But then how I am still here, heart rat-ta-tat-tatting
All that you took, and it was never enough
All that I bleed, yet I do remain.
(are you disappointed?)
You’ve left me with a
Bowling ball (crush)
Bludgeon me, darling, break
Through to my womb, ravage
Me, darling, like you did in my
Room to breathe (my air) but
That was a long time ago and
Now I take my tea with honey
(and blood) milk in the cupboard
and it’s not going sour, it’s congealing
in the drain, but I like it that way,
coagulating like a blood clot, tear
into me, grind right to the bones
take a bite of the umbilical
(they say its good for you) do
You feel it under my skin, the
Welt, blooming, like your marks,
Them all—gather—fill out your
Punch card. Is this my prize?
Tell me—who’s going to finish me?
Flesh no longer a currency.
However will I pay your price?
Ravaging savaging and a rat-ta-tat-tat
From here they have all taken
But what is that painted across your face
Stenciled across your arms
Marks, she whispers, but never from a Mark,
But you get the idea. (She smiles)
Are you sinister, little girl?
Who me? (grinning) I am gloomy.
A gloomy girl. But these are my guide
(she traces the lines) to find my way home
Laugh through the blood splatter
count the fallen teeth
Groovy, you say
Plunge the knife deeper
Daring, I smile
Carotid arteries, paint the walls
My walls, my pretty white walls
Shattered on the ground, on your
Hands, broken down walls, boulders
Fall, cling to me, feeble fetus, carried
Right out of the womb. Bulldozer
Over embryo (squishes), bones (crack)
Welcome to the bittersweet world.