I was a new bride for a month, this time should’ve been filled with so much joy. You beamed with pride when I walked down the aisle, and I smiled back at you thinking we’d be a happy family for a while.
Your headaches grew worse though, your convulsions closer together, so much pain you had to tow and never let on how much you weathered.
You fought off and on for fourteen years, one rare cancer followed by another more common. You had countless surgeries and yet you were never solemn.
A month to the day after my wedding, the doctor said you were terminal. Yet a positive attitude you were sending while we all sat weeping.
As a kid you and I fought, and never quite saw eye to eye, but if I could now I would have bought so much extra time. I never understood your logic, and at times I thought you were insane. But I’m all grown up and realize all your cautions were to send me down the right lanes.
Even though the doctors said there couldn’t be more done, you still insisted on any leap of faith. More treatments, there were none, but you denied it with every breath. A chemo pill gave you comfort, doctors said it could be two months or two years, you kept smiling though you suffered and never shed a tear.
We all took shifts staying by your side, and at my new job I was almost fired. I fought my boss with so much pride, do what you want but I’m not a liar.
Your lasts words to me were said the night before, “I love you” as our phone call came to an end. Those three simple words now mean so much more cause soon what was coming was what God penned.
I went to work and two hours into my day, the call that I dreaded had came. “She’s in a coma, come right away!” And I ran to you quickly and tried to stay brave.
When I saw you my heart burst into pieces. Machines were keeping your heart beating. The cancer took its toll, your body was there but fading was your soul. I reacted and sat by the bed and sang “You Are My Sunshine.” I meant it Mom, that’s your song, just smile at me one last time.
Soon a decision needed made, doctors said you weren’t coming back. Dad, in tears, was too lost to say, so I said “Take her off the machines” while my voice cracked. Hours passed and you hung on, I sat by and hummed to you your favorite song. I stopped for a moment, whispered in your ear that I would be back, and as soon as I started roaming was called and I ran to you like in track.
You waited until I left to take your last breath. I was sad but knew you suffered no more in death. These days, when I miss you, I cry but I know I must stay strong. So I take deep breath, smile, and knowing somewhere you’re listening while I sing your favorite song.
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This is the story, in poetic form, of my last moments with my Mom. I wrote this on the month of the third year anniversary of her death.