musings of an insomniac 3:33am

Here I am... and there I was.
No more explanation is needed at this point.
No one bears the burden of coming to my aid.
There are repercussions for an actionless existence.
There is boundless potential for error.
There is an infinite measure of success.
This boundless infinite cluster of unknowable outcomes that is all up to me.
To me!?!? Who the fuck am I? Where do I fit?
What am I supposed to glean from this existence?
Is there some ethereal lesson I've missed or some apiphany to be had?
I am too jaded, too consumed with fear and anxiety that I cannot feel the labor pains of this conception as it swells and breeches?
I fight against it for fear that it will be too much if it succeeds or too devastating if it is stillborn.
No answers, no truth, no certainty, no way to know.
Only chance, only want, only this all consuming yearning to be free, only this overwhelming urge to be heard.
There I was... Now here I am xoxo

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