My Heart Is At Rest
My Heart Is At Rest
I was so lost, and so broken; There were so many words that I had left unspoken.
It's time that you knew; Yes, this one is for you.
When I met you, I thought that you were the package deal; Falling for you, was never against my will.
You were attractive, funny, smart, and kind; You were everything, that I had ever hoped to find.
Those first few months with you, were simply some of the most memorable times of my life; My dream was to become your wife.
My love for you was true; I would have done anything for you.
That is why when your drug use came as shocking new, it was not hard for you to convince me to use.
Our drug use was put first, and with that, we were cursed.
To supplying my habit, you knew that you were the key, so you began to control me.
Soon after, came the first time that you hit me; You banged my head into a bathroom wall, and I could not even see.
Yes, I had wronged you, so to justify, and forgive your behavior, was easy to do.
I deleted my Facebook, and I cut myself off from everyone but you; Only to you, was I true.
I lied to everyone around me; Our reality, I refused to allow them to see.
As our addiction's progressed, so did your abuse; Time-after-time, you would call a truce.
You would promise to quit; Then, you would do it again, and my heart would break bit-by-bit.
You would punch me, kick me, and beat me with belts; On my body, you left bruises and welts.
You split my eyelid open, and blacked my eye; However, when the cops questioned it, the truth I knew to deny.
When I got pregnant with out son, and I thought that our relationship would change, what came next, shouldn't have seemed so strange.
How could it be; You didn't stop abusing me.
Remember when you made me get on my hand-and-knees, to moo like a cow; Whipping me at the same time with a belt, is what made this even more foul.
I was pregnant, but to you I was obese; The derogatory abuse and comments, never seemed to cease.
Then, you blacked my eye, and welted my thigh; You were caught cheating was the reasoning why.
Now, there I was giving birth to our son, only worrying about if my marks were hidden; Social services being notified was forbidden.
I couldn't lose him, so I would cover for you; How much pain I was emotionally in, nobody could have ever knew.
I was excellent at hiding my pain; From this, nothing did I gain.
After we had him, things did get better for a while; To think that they would stay this way, only caused me to live in denial.
We got engaged, and bought a house; I thought that finally I was going to become your spouse.
However, reality hit, when your IV use, you refused to quit.
This caused friction; The abuse started back, along with our addiction.
You tore me down; On my face, was always a frown.
You cause me to feel insecure, worthless, and miserable at best; I felt as if my heart, were being ripped out of my chest.
So many times, you left me beaten and bruised; I felt so violated, and used.
As if the physical abuse was not enough, the verbal abuse was tough.
Enough finally became enough, and I decided to leave; To your memory, I chose to still cleave.
For years, your memory haunted me, but now I am free.
I am no longer bound by your hurtful words, and I came to accept the past; I am no longer defined by my memories at last.
I can honestly say that I do wish you the best; My heart is now at rest.