My Heart My Noose My Mind
Grasping the sheet so tightly I feel my heart in my hand;
and it repeats what I said in my head
but no life flows from these capillaries
and all I feel is dread.
This madness grows and my hopes froze
in my mind where I will die,
trapped, as what I see will become what I can't stand to be.
I will die alone here in this room but not from me.
There's nothing to hang from here and I'll just sink
and my fears will follow as I fall into this hole in my chest.
I try to fill it with my hands
to replace the space that was left when you left,
but I'm only making it bigger, tearing myself in half.
This pit grows.
I'm scared to be alone but I'm never by myself.
This Mr. Scratch is always behind my eyes
forcing my hand to force itself.
I'm not in control; in fact I'm under it
with this voice in my head,
and as I'm screaming I'm swallowing water.
Black and heavy it's forcing me under,
drowning; I'm choking on air.
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