My Honesty

My honesty is that I'm losing myself to this... To the realization that being numb is my happiness. my desire to fulfill my purpose will forever be muted by the loudness this addiction has over me.  By purpose I mean my dreams. My dream which  will never present itself while this fog consumes me. Ironically my dream only presents itself while this poison runs through me. 

My perception is all I can control. You see I'm numb. My life is based off of this fabrication that I call reality. Constantly altering my personality for the enjoyment of others. The me I once was is now muted by my desire to hide my addiction. It's a full time job pretending that everything is ok. Pretending that I'm not dying on the inside and desperately trying to escape the grip which controls me. You see... Hope is a luxury that I am not afforded. So for now you won't see the real me until honesty hits.

How real do I have to get, how real do I have to be? I've lost the light at the end of the tunnel. The shred of hope has long gone with the belief I've had In myself. I'm at the bottom I'm at the bottom. 

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