My last first day of school

My last first day of school
Though I keep wanting to say my first last day
Funny how that is
Picture time
Five minutes late, I do it alone this year
A great disadvantage in so many ways
A girl in a grey dress that will appear on Facebook later today
Words better written and left unsaid
Waiting for the bus
I do it alone this year
Quiet and odd as it is, my behavior isn't all that different from the years past
Quietly carrying a few too many bags and snapping a few selfies along the way
Selfies and thoughts from 6:45-6:55, or whenever the bus comes
I do it alone this year
It seems that I am more gone than I would already know
Neighbors drive down, the new and the old. Each offer a wave and continue on their way. I wave back.
Maybe even smile
Bus pulls up
I go to board alone this year and a little boy, probably his first day of middle school, comes and climbs aboard with me
He goes behind me and we exchange not a word
Am I a scary high schooler or simply a stranger with whom there are no words to be said?
It doesn't matter
The result is all the same
And as I sit a bit too near the front on the right side as I always do in the morning I hear the kids behind me offer up a light chatter to one another
I’ve chosen my seat and carefully lower each of my bags into the easiest position to pick them up again
My bare ass touches the bus seat
As quickly as I can I pull my skirt from its flared point down to cover my butt
I might not have even noticed that two years ago as I did not own these lacy things and always wore spandex because I appreciate a range of movement, and I still do, but a boy convinced me how much better I would look in a pair more like these
I didn't keep him around to see them but soon I found that I too thought that it might be somehow better if I sacrificed my comfort and bought a few
Just for special occasions you know
But then I found myself wearing and rewearing them for every photo shoot and forgotten ugly night
7:11 and the bus is nearing the intersection of 140 and 106
One that I know all too well
The windows are foggy af, but its not on the glass, it's all around
As if heaven itself decided to fall down
White and thick the air reminds me of those boys who think they're so great when they pull out the vape
Leaving clouds of sugary smoke
It's still clearer than my vision though
It's still clearer than my mind though
7:13 We’re climbing the hill
What are the classes that my friends have?
7:14 I’m putting this away
Not enough time to write today
Not enough time to clear my thoughts
Maybe they're meant to match the sky

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