My Makeshift Life

They see me smiling
But it's my addictions, my obsessions
The only things that make me feel.
So I'll sit here with my ghosts
With my lovers and lost hopes
And I'll lie myself to sleep
That I'm okay, that I'm okay
Over and over the same things over
I'll dream of the way I used to live
But I'll wake up to the same old disaster
As I sit here with a smile
Plastered on my deadened face
And when I realize I'm alone
And no one even knows
And no one notices the difference
Between my real self and my now self
Because all they see is upturned lips
And they think I'm doing better
But I'm really doing worse
So I'll sit here with my fix
And I'll pretend I don't exist
Because smiles don't mean happiness
And laughter hides the pain
I'll fake it till I make it
Or until I die
I don't care either way

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