My worthwhile universe

It was the third day of my madness caused by your doom
and my inner poet was lying with glooms
trying to perish
But your force was so strong and refreshing,
I felt his endless will to rise again and live.
I was afraid to look his eyes even a moment,
I had deprived him of worth, had left him to die.
I was afraid hereafter of his conviction,
I knew he was stronger because he had you...
But what I had my own, except my paltriness?!
What I did to save you
when you relentlessly put an end to yourself inside me?!
He said that he lived more vividly and worthily
and he deserved to live even more than me...
He asked what I had achieved more than ten years?
I shut up only, like before you had also made me
You had called all that I felt only complaints,
but in fact, I had perceived you had also been afraid
to face the damages which you had caused to me...

Yes, my dear friend, I often have heavy damages,
I was always traumatized in dimensional clashes.
As I betray my eigen* and leave myself alone,
I begin to acknowledge my all emptiness.
You can just exist in vain with your mind and logic,
but you can truly live
only by accepting your feelings valuable...

I got my strength with fire in my heart,
I was watching my growing power,
Which was circulating along my freezing veins.
I hugged my innocent, suffering poet
and promised to create - my own highest values.
My predecessors, my sufferer poet and me
would live hereafter disregarding yours!
But yet it was not fair, yet it was not worthwhile,
I had to cling to my dimensions much more deeply.
I was full of energy and had everything to fight,
There appeared a dream to share my horizons I would gain thereafter...
But I lacked you... Who deserved to see it most than others...
As the one who was able to do the impossible,
which no one had been able to do before...
You had to see my intentional life you had presented...

I wandered among the graves in my "graveheart",
Resurrected my all soulmates lying in chaos.
Who we shared our sacred dimensions of solitude,
Who were craving to be felt and to be understood.
Nietzche, Schopenhauer, Cioran lead them of course...
I brought them to life with the laughter you had taught me,
We marched side by side to the source of vitality,
We saluted Martin Eden
and vowed to avenge his suicidal also!

We movingly reached the end of my heart,
where your awesome grave was lying,
I kept your cold remedial hands,
As I smiled, in return you smiled warmer than me,
You know, I can never smile or laugh as deeply as you do,
I faithfully said that I wanted to live,
I promised one day I would laugh even more deeply than you do.
I understood you had wanted me just to be strong,
However, you hadn't been able to understand me again once more...
As women represent themselves as a tool to strong ones,
contrary they represent themselves as a present to the weak
That is why I was brawling and trying to withstand,
Could I accept you as another worthless thing rather than a present?!

I embraced you and internalized your
All my soulmates exulted in it...
I and my pale poet set my new universe,
In company with the souls of our dimensions,
we raised you...
We raised you above all of the tortures and fears,
We raised you above all of the dimensions.
We raised you above all of the meanings,
We sacrificed the meaning of life for you
and I made you the center of my universe.
You began to shine like the sun in my life,
Then all separated values and meanings
began in harmony to whirl around you.
Around the sun of my worthwhile universe...

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*Eigen - inner self, ownself