Never Really Ready

Never really ready
I never thought my heart would hurt even as I waited for this moment to arrive
I never imagined spending this day in a blur when I expected it to be filled with bliss
I never expected to take the trip I dreamt off for years and not able to feel joy
I never considered including this person’s departure as I was planning my year
I never dreamt that I would remember my “special day” with sadness and gloom
I never believed that it would last forever but secretly hoped that it did
I never pictured this time in my life doing the thing I feared the most
I never supposed that I had more time but I didn’t make space to be present
I always knew I should prepare for this day to come but I was never really ready

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This poem was written in response to my grandma's passing. I will miss her forever