No, is a controlling, demanding and a soul destroying word,
However; he is a male so I must obey.
A strong, domineering man who used to stand before me,
Shooting me down whenever I had the courage to rise above,
A presence so strong that my soul was too afraid to be a part of me
Controlled in where I went,
Who I could see,
My friends and family ended up being strangers to me.
I done everything in my power to impress but ended up making everything worse,
My ears were scared; very scared to witness the storm,
My body would vibrate for comfort, for someone to love me.
I worshipped the ground he walked upon; yet felt so empty,
It felt like I was in chains, obeying his orders and I had to suffer in silence,
Because if I was to catch a breath- my life wouldn’t be worth living.
Why am I scared?
Scared to stand my ground, to gasp for air and to walk away,
Hearing his name, feeling his breath, his voice would drill through me,
Starting a tornado of vomit within me,
I was trapped,
Stuck in a maze with nowhere to run,
There had to be a way out, an exit.
Walking through life with a sad, miserable face painted on me,
Thinking and thinking but not having the courage,
It wasn’t easy, all the dark nights, feeling threatened by someone who was meant to love me,
I felt stupid, like he was the victim and I caused it all.
But, it was time, time to unlock these padlocks and to gasp for air,
I had the power, I felt invincible; like nothing was in my way.
Now, this was a while back, but my emptiness and hollow walls are still within,
Looking back at my reflection wondering who I am meant to be,
These scars are buried deep in my skin; things might help to heal me, but will I ever be the same again?