No Escape

This pain that always comes at night
When guilt and regret are at their height
I can do nothing but hold myself tight
And wait for sleep to roll in like a tide
Washing it away until the next night
Where I start all over with my plight
Thinking of mistakes that cut my pride
And mistakes that eat me from inside
No good deed can replace the past
Decisions with consequences that still last
Excuses that were used often and fast
Scars received and being harassed
It will never justify the sins amassed
Or the time lost I can never get back.
I dig my nails deep into my skin
Tearing at my soul, tearing at my sin
Trying to find a new way to begin
But my own heart will never let me win
I disguise it all with every laugh and grin
As I try to escape my purgatory within
Good deeds never ever seeming enough
Mind and body screaming it’s too rough
Ready to give up because enough is enough
But something inside pushing to stay tough
Nothing makes sense, not my heart or mind
I deserve kindness but deserve to die

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