nothing to say

I don't have much to say..
But write ? I do..
Much lonely nights cuddled up in my shell fantasizing
of that 'ting' of your text. I've spent hours already.
I know how the night unfolds.
The dreading butterflies, dripping eyes, the cracking heart.
The beginning of a poem, culminates to a
"I don't have much to say anyway"

Closing all the tabs of my laptop as I end
any search of anyone who is up at this ungodly hour.
For I am terrified of finding what I am looking for in someone
else, other than you.
I know how this chapter ends.
I was exploding with "why, but you promised, why her?"
but all I said was..
"I don't have much to say anyway"

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