Its so much easier on yourself to not think about what makes you frustrated. However, will that help the problem?
If you cant think about the problem how will you act on it and fix it? Well I guess that leaves another question. Is the problem worth fixing?
Well if its a problem enough to hinder ones basic ability to move on in a day id say it would be either fix it or get over it. But how can you get over it if it just keeps coming up?
I dont know if i am making excuses for myself because I dont want to get over this bump or if I really just want to trace back and completely obliterate it. But maybe I just dont know how to do that without damaging a part of myself too. Or the fact that if I do completely obliterate it I will also destroy what it has inside of it. The precious pieces it hypnotized into its ways will be gone as well.
The two choices really come down to this: I either destroy all, I destroy one, or I destroy none and let it kill me inside until the time comes and I let them all see that it then became me.
However, it doesn't matter what choice I choose as either way I will lose.
So clichÃ© to say and that is to say but really, the only way I might have a chance is if I can just make it through these next few weeks.
If I can do that, I might get the strength to leave and maybe start fresh and not even have to obliterate anyone just let them obliterate me, as I will be more out of sight and mind. I wont have connection. Ill have distraction and maybe then my mistakes will be free from me. After I have learned from them. Maybe then my battle will have turned. Maybe then I will have