OCD


Those three letters changed my life forever,
as the thoughts that entered my mind like a derailed train without warning.
They ask me if I’m okay?
I smile, relieved to have a break in my consciousness,
but my grin becomes hollow when I realize that
it’s not a break like talking to someone used to be.
Their question serves as a reminder that I cannot hold a simple conversation
Without my mind crashing like an airplane, but on the outside, I reply “I’m fine.”
On the inside, I’m haunted everywhere I go, at school and in my own home I see ghosts,
and yes, I am convinced that those ghosts live Inside of me
Afraid they’d lock me up if I told anyone, but maybe that’s where I should be.
Even though I’m not safe from my thoughts, others would be safe from me.
And you tell me that it’s all in my head? Trust me, it is.
So, if it’s just in my head maybe I’d be better off dead,
So, my OCD can’t hurt anyone else instead.
And you say OCD isn’t real? You say you’ve seen OCD? No, you haven’t.
Your mouth would be wired shut with the fear of persecution or another irrational assumption.
OCD Is the enemy that you face on the playground
You try to avoid her but she comes and kicks you to the ground
repetitively until you just stop getting up and you’re in constant fear of being kicked again.
Do you want to kick me because I’m down? The joke is on you because I’m already there.
OCD is pretending like you’re not fighting a war
even though you’re being targeted by opposing forces, yet the solution is to seek refuge
in communication with another open-minded and kindhearted soul.
How can we heal when the world is so quick to judge instead of accepting OCD?

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