offing myself with approval

My parents are screaming because I'm a slob
and I never clean my room to their standards.
There are pieces of my heart scattered on the
floor and memories that I really don't want to
get rid of. I'm hoarding the things from the
past because I sometimes wish they would
come back. I try cleaning but I just get cut by
shattered happiness. I've been sleeping on
the floor with my head under the blanket so I
can be in my own world. When I find his
things all I can do is stare. If I ever finish
cleaning I could cut my wrists until I bleed
out. But no I'd make a mess and I know my
parents don't like messes. I could take some
pills and crawl into bed. But then I am lazy
and I don't do anything. So instead of killing
myself I just sit there shaking. Soaking in my
pain and just wanting to know how to kill
myself without making them even angrier at me.

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