On my last breathes

I close my eyes and breathe in deep
To escape this misery
That's hounding me, its shaking me and breaking me
I hold onto those who hurt me
I hold on to those who lie
Why do I always end up broken
I'm always the first to cry
I give and give and they will take
I put my heart at stake
I tried to understand the pattern that I seem to always fall in
If love is pain and heartbreak
I'm the queen of love
Yet how can something that's said to be so amazing
Make me feel like giving up
Not on love and joy
Not on kids and dreams
On my own breathe thats keeping me from 6 feet deep
I think I understand I tried to love myself
But when I gave and I gave
I lost it all in them
I breathe in deep again
My legs begin to shake
This must be from all those pills that I forced myself to take
It's been some minutes now I'm on my last limb
The angles approach me and tell me this is it my friend
I go without a fight
I felt so weak and then
I'm shaking up and down
My hearts not slowing down
One more shock and then that's it I won't be in the ground
I feel it in my chest
I gasp for air and then
Open my eyes I shed a tear and let out a sigh not of relief and happiness
Cause I still want to die
But because I'll have a thousand people here ask why
Pretending that they care
Pretending that they're here

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