Overcrowded headspace

I am not perfect
The imperfect flower i am
Who lives in her head but cant seem to stay in her own bed
Staying not where she is told but wherever she wants to be
Her boyfriend
The bed she relies on
Making choices so mature
Only if
The group that changed. Family maybe
The lies she's told,predicting her future back to back
The little girl in the space so lost,so confused,cant leave that
Life she has but tries so hard to reveal the true her
Cant seem to believe
The woman she is when everyone that's been in her life has told her otherwise
Contemplating if being alive is even worth it
Considerate of others feelings
Her mom,no pain all stone voicing negativity thinking intentions of hers are genuine
Questions about why,what and yet no one is satisfied
Not family or should i say the main manipulators
Screwing over her mind
The only thing right to her is the wrong
Leaving her lost
In the devils world all alone with,well no one
Feeling dependent on yourself all this time
Grandmother spitting out the gospel but cant keep her under the wing
Non-belief? Or just the will of not doing
Or maybe just the swords of pain that get tossed directly at the
Full blooded yet cold in lost faith
Everything non-existing
The mind of the lost so swole
Revealing of the pain consumed
Scars seeping inside out
Throbbing pain so obvious that
The skin of the beautiful
So hurt. Blood drips,lines along the arm
The only way out
Too risky,yet the girl doesn't know what keeps her here
Lungs full of smoke
Too much pain,overwhelmed
Weed intoxicating the body and mind slowly
Not healthy
The soul rotting leaving the corpse dry
Lifeless she is
Feeling more than just pain
But a lifetime of unworthiness
Not finding fit everyday to be alive
What keeps her going? Being able to wake up every morning

Peparation for pain. Its a routine

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