Pain and Suffering

It is now past noon and I'm laying in bed
Trying to find a solution before I'm dead
Thoughts of all I was blessed with in life
Soon I realize this is my personal strife
Yet I feel as if though it's punishment
For living in "My World" so arrogant
Necessary is what I'm told to appreciate
Instead I'm suffering and now have hate
Words truly have no meaning next to this
I feel I'd rather die and for this to miss
Nobody ever really knows pain as we feel
Only what they have and to us isn't real
I have been in a wreck and came out fine
While friends and loved ones taken by "The Divine"
It's not to lessen the next persons loss or sorrow
Instead for better understanding tomorrow
Endless days and nights I sit alone and cry
Praying to cope with the pain clueless of why
Counting blessings on the better of days
Thinking how I should've changed my ways
Too late now though the damage is already done
And my demise slowly falls to only ONE [me]
Does anyone have to feel this torture truly?
Just to say proudly later on 'I was quiet unruly'
As if to say 'It's what I get for doing too much'
All just for the judges and sorts of such
Cause it could've been a disease to which has no cure
Then all my 'whining would fall on deaf ears and demur
Now I am moving slowly to the edge of the bed
And only cries escape my lungs as I slowly tread
Yet I'm still mostly alive not even close to gone
Then it hits me, the grass is greener on anothers lawn
So I wince and mope a little less and accept what's in store
Yet I still can't help to feel it's too much please no more
Watching others suffer may to some, well only the sleezy,
Be a normality and may even effortlessly come easy
Still I wouldn't give my hurt to no man, not even the worst
No matter the why or to the cruel even the cursed
Generated by our creator to slow us down or teach anew
And unfortunately only in time to the lucky few
I am now wondering what I can do instead of cry
I'll continue my search till I find the answers that lye

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This Poems Story

My everyday agony of coping with arthritis rheumatoid and ostheo ,several slipped discs ,sciatic nerve and back pains. Releasing my frustration without screaming.