Pardonnez-moi, elle criait


I leaned over the toilet again tonight only to be shivering out the words that would not purge out of my mind.
Words stuck in the throat.
Choking.
Making it hard to swallow.

I carefully breathe in, breathe out, feeling the quickening pace of the heartbeats in my aching head.

I had to get it out or they would all see how fake and disgusting and terrible I really, really was.

Scabbed knuckles and slurred words, sent me biting down hard,drawing blood from yet another finger.

The truth was all a lie and I knew it.
Too well.
Too, too well.

Only problem was that....I did not know what the truth was.
The truth it self is a complicating matter.
Its if barbed wire is twined around the spine up to my throat.
Tightening with every thought, movement, breath.

All I can think to do is laugh as I lifted myself away from the toilet and lit the self proclaimed last coffin nail.
Smoke floated into my strained eyes.

Blinking I looked around at the walls of the bathroom.
Simply watching the room spin round and round and round.
Threatening to devour me whole.

Closing my eyes, I laid in the filth of my sins.
It seems that these days, that I'm rotting right in front of myself.
I want to make it stop....or so I say every second of the day

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