Part of the darkness that haunts my mind
She connot sleep at night. She is not scared to sleep .She is scared to remember . She is awake late at night not for fear of the world but for fear of herself, her mind, her past, although it may not control her any longer. It still has defined her. She still looks for the monster in the world. She did not have the luxury to ignore the world as a child. She has always seen the monsters here. They do not have sharp teeth and fur. Her monsters never did they have always had a cold look in there eyes and sometimes a smile. Her monsters may be on her mind but they are not an imaginary fear . From the beginning she has had to learn to smile through the evil in the world . Only a few times has she let someone see some sides of her,but she is still always gaurded her fear comes from letting her gaurd down and being unable to protect herself. if she dreams she feels safe, but only until her memories resurface . The only thing she cannot gaurd herself from is her own mind. She smiles to the world but is always on gaurd. For her past is not a pleasant reminder, but a lesson she shouldnt have had to learn at all and because of it she will always be scared of herself . as long as she is alive her heart will stay strong but her mind will always be changed and afraid.
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I wrote this when my roomate asked me about why i was crying when i woke up.