Past..


I hate having flashbacks of things i don’t want to remember i hate thinking of the way things use to be…… your past is what brings your future to get better but even tho thats what they say that doesn’t mean it’s right in every single way. Some people have good past some people have bad but my past is so extraordinary i think everyone else's is normal, i can't explain everything that happened, nor do i want to but inside i'm a survivor that has a purpose and that will make a difference. I believe in miracles i believe in the truth but what I used to believe in was me and you, but all that faded and crumbled away just like a rose that wilts, cries, and dies. I don’t have a voice anymore. I can scream i can shout but no one still hears a peep, when i speak no one else cares when i try and cherish something is perishes and dies just like everything that happens in life and you can’t do anything about it, it’s just apart of nature and everything happens for a reason or as they say but that is all a lie a joke a mess. If you really think about it i'm not normal i'm not cool everyone looks at me like i'm a fool i try and try but never succeed but in the end the same thing that keeps coming back to my mind is you and me. I could be single or could be not but being around you everyday makes it worse and worse you don’t know that my heart is still broken but nor do you care i'll keep my distance and try not to stare, it's been months since the day no one could put my heart back together and i still feel the pain and i hope just one day i'll die in vain make it all better make is all stop. You literally broke me tho you can look me straight in the face and i have to take a deep breathe. I have a boyfriend and yes i know it's wrong but how many more months can i go on… you hurt me broke me tore my made me cry every single night and i'll cry even more even tho if we would get back together you would just do the same thing to me again and i don't know how i would be able to deal, will all the pain just concealed like a jar that should never be open for if it is shall it all end. No one understand a real heart break till you feel it yourself, everytime i think or talk about him i get the sick feeling in my stomach like i'm going to barf up the little pieces left of my heart. I don’t know what's wrong with me it’s been 5 months now and i can’t take it everyone says it goes away but no it won’t go away it won’t fade it just sits there waiting till the right day to come out so i can just float away never to be seen again nor to breathe again.

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