Pill of Reality

I push down that pill of reality down my throat
with hesitation and fear.
It settles at the bottom of my stomach.
In those moments I am free and happy.
But that happiness is just an illusion
because once reality resurfaces and I choke it back up,
there is that lasting and lingering feeling of suffocation.
There is no escaping or pushing it down this time.
This threatening pill encapsulates my mistakes, regrets
and the simple reality that I wish I could hide from.
But I can't and for that fact alone
I am deeply frightened and overwhelmed,
until I must force down another pill to make me numb.
Numb from feelings that boil in my mind,
yet hidden from physicality. And for all this
I wish of a different world,
but I cannot help but take some of the responsibility
for these feelings or lack of them.
If only I could start over.
Something that is impossible.

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