Power of Words

I was nervous, I was anxious. I was scared that if I'd asked you your answer would be so clear. You'd say no and my whole world would disappear.
I'd fall down to ashes. I wouldn't survive. Cuz' I'd cry myself to sleep with my red bloodshot eyes. I wouldn't survive one more night.
That's why I lashed out at the guy in the other room. I thought if I'd stab him. My emotions would be gone too. The anger would pop like Pennywise's red balloon. The despair would fade away like a river in the desert sun.
But I was wrong, it didn't help.
Now I feel my mind is in a Fritz, going 100mph trying to fill the void that you left behind.
It's been two years but the hole is still there. Consuming my life.
What is the answer?
What do I need?
Help me.
I'm just a small boat in a vast ocean and I could sink at any time. Who knew the power of words? Who knew one word could make a man's life go from 100 to 0 in a matter of days. Who knew one word could make a person go from being as confident as Hercules to being as Uncertain as the wind changing directions. I feel as unstable as a Jenga tower.
Basically, I am a ticking time bomb ready to explode waiting for the comment about my hair, pants, or shoes, pushing me over the edge because IT’S NOT PERFECT.
My self-confidence has had a roller coaster in the past 2 years from Mt. Everest to The Marina Trench. I know I'm not perfect but, I need to hold on to someone and them onto me. Please I will get on my knees and beg, please. I NEED. I NEED. I NEED.
But till then I can only hope…, dream…, and wait for when she walks through that door and my red desert bloodshot eyes will become blue flowing rivers of joy from seeing the most beautiful, perfect, and Awe-striking person WHO HAS LIVED, IS LIVING, OR WHO WILL EVER BE. I know this isn’t going to happen soon if at all but, you have to hope and dream or what you want to come true and I’ll do just that….. I’ll wait patiently, hope, and dream till it happens if… ever.

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Key Words : Desperate

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